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jun_exchange2018-04-21 03:25 pm
jun_mod) wrote in jun_exchange2018-04-21 03:25 pm
Entry tags:
shake it gift for rainbowemperor
Shake it for rainbowemperor
Title: The first cut is the deepest, but the second cut makes the game
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Swearing, explicit sexual content, angst
Summary: Sho keeps giving Jun clues of his affection, but he just can’t make that final step. In the end, being fed up, Jun decides to confront Sho about the situation, even though he doesn’t know how it’s gonna turn out.
Notes: Dear, I hope that this will be to your liking. Somehow I made a thing out of Jun’s haircut. It was really good fun writing this, although I have to admit that if I didn’t have Nino, I don’t think I could have concluded this so well. So, thanks Nino. :D
*flashback*
Jun felt his cheeks burning at the unbelieving stares of his group mates. He was standing in the door of their greenroom, having just arrived for that day’s recording. The intense eyes on him were unnerving Jun immensely.
“What?!” he bit out aggressively.
“So short,” Ohno finally commented.
He was referring to Jun’s hair, obviously, since he had just had it cut for his new drama role.
“Well, it can’t be helped,” Jun shrugged, annoyed. “I’m playing a lawyer. I have to look like one. It’s not like this is my first drama hair cut.”
“It hasn’t been so drastic in a while, though,” Nino mused. There was a badly hidden grin on his face. “You look like you’re about to start Senior High School.”
The blush on Jun’s face deepened. “Shut up,” he demanded.
“Nah, it looks cool,” Aiba tried to lighten the mood. “Just different.”
Jun nodded appreciatively at Aiba, then he turned towards Sho.
“So, what do you think?” he wanted to know.
Sho scowled at him. “What do you want me to say? I don’t have an opinion on your hair cut. It’s for work, so it can’t be helped anyway.”
Jun nodded briskly, feeling annoyed. He hadn’t expected Sho to compliment him, or anything. However, Sho was usually the voice of reason in their group and it was not unreasonable to expect a few words of encouragement from the man. But then, it was about Jun. Sho was not sympathetic towards Jun, so in a way Sho’s nonchalant answer felt rather like an affirmation of the air that had been sitting heavily between them rather than a disappointment.
“Right,” Jun muttered lowly.
Their working day wasn’t very productive. Jun kept being unfocused, Sho kept being annoying and altogether the atmosphere wasn’t well-suited for creative work. They stopped an hour early, deciding to come back the day after in better spirits. In that very situation, as everybody was packing up their stuff and leaving for the day, it was just a second that turned Jun’s head completely upside down. As he walked by, totally out of the blue and without even looking at Jun, Sho spoke, silently, words that were meant for Jun’s ears alone.
“I like your hair longer.”
*end flashback*
~*~
Jun inspected the door in front of him skeptically. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to expect. Most likely Sho wouldn’t even notice – or even remember, for that matter. Jun sighed. He still didn’t fully understand why he had bothered in the first place. There wouldn’t be any appreciation. So, why care? But then, Jun found he couldn’t help himself. Even after all those years, Sho’s words still had a deep impact on him. Jun hated that Sho still held that kind of power over him, but he found himself unable to escape. So, there he was – and finally he opened the door to the greenroom.
Four pairs of eyes set on Jun, all of them flickering with the recognition of the change in Jun. His band mates were casually seated around a small table that held several boxes of Chinese food and a number of soda cans. Nino and Ohno shared a small sofa, sitting together closely, but without making anyone in the room feel uncomfortable, Sho was sitting on a rather small, overstuffed chair and Aiba was half-lying on the second sofa that was available, but upon seeing Jun he readily shifted his form to make some space. It was Nino, who spoke first this time.
“Wow, looking good there,” he told Jun. “All set for season two, I see.”
“Yeah,” Jun chuckled silently, as he made his way through the room, taking a seat next to Aiba. “I… does it look good?”
“It looks nice,” Ohno assured him. “It’s still so short.”
“Not as short as last year, though,” Aiba added, having noticed the change in style.
Jun nodded. “I told them to keep it as long as possible. This is the outcome.”
“That’s good,” Nino smiled, “then it won’t take as long to grow back this time.”
“Yeah, I’m glad, really,” Jun answered. “I… do prefer having it longer. What do you say, Sho-kun?”
Sho shot him a glare. “Why would you ask my opinion?”
“Just say if you like it better shorter, or longer,” Jun demanded.
He was pissed off. Had Sho truly forgotten? But no… No, he wouldn’t. There had been significance in Sho’s statement, Jun could tell, so it was only natural to want to get Sho to relate to it somehow.
“I really don’t care,” Sho shrugged.
“Liar,” Jun accused him. “I know you do.”
Sho’s eyes narrowed. “Despite what you might be thinking, the world does not revolve around you and I do not waste my precious time pondering whether I like your hair long or short. Just leave me alone already.”
“Guys,” Ohno interrupted. “Please, just…”
“It’s fine,” Jun cut in. His voice was even and his eyes neutral. “I should have thought as much. How could I have thought I’d ever be anything but an annoying brat to Sakurai Sho. Ridiculous. Sorry for the lapse. Let me assure you, it won’t happen again. Back to business as usual.”
He didn’t give Sho an opportunity to respond, already grabbing a stack of music sheets and getting to work. He knew it pissed Sho off when he couldn’t have the last word in an argument, but he also knew that Sho would not venture deeper into the issue when Jun ultimately let him off the hook. And Sho was pissed off, at Jun for having the last word and at himself for just giving up, simply because he couldn’t muster the courage to actually fight the issue out with Jun. So, just as Jun had expected, Sho let it go. In a matter of minutes all of them were in working mode and did not even think of private little disputes. Jun too was on his professional mode, listening to everything Sho had to contribute, taking up his thoughts as much any anyone else’s – however, his eyes remained neutral, never picking up a single smile he presented, making sure Sho would pick up the fact that he was not happy with him, if Sho cared to look close enough. Jun didn’t expect any recognition on Sho’s part, but he still decided to provide material to read – just in case.
“Okay,” Jun finally dragged out, checking through his major notes one more time, “I think that’s all we had to cover today.” He flashed a bright smile around the room. “Well done, everybody. I think that appearance will be a big success.”
“Thanks for wrapping things up so neatly,” Aiba gave right back. “I really like how you section things up, it always helps me so much to stay organized.”
“Glad to hear that my efforts don’t go to waste,” Jun joked.
“I think it’s gonna be very well-perceived,” Sho added. “It’s a concept that will be quite unexpected, so people will be surprised.”
“Well, then let’s hope that they’re gonna like the surprise,” Jun answered.
“I’m sure they will,” Nino stated. “It’s fresh and… it’s cool in its own way.”
“Thanks,” Jun smiled. “So, tomorrow will be about the lyrics. Satoshi, you’ll be in charge of that.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been working on it a lot,” Ohno told him. “But since Sho helped me out so much, I don’t think it’s fair to present the results by myself.”
“It’s fine,” Sho assured him. “I only suggested a few minor adaptions.”
“Don’t be so modest,” Ohno urged. “You did a lot of re-organizing so things would be more harmonious. It really helped a lot.”
“So, would you want Sho to help with the presentation too?” Jun asked.
“I think it would be better,” Ohno nodded.
“Sho-kun, that alright with you?” Jun asked.
Sho blinked. “Well, I… I guess… just…”
“Fantastic,” Jun concluded. “Then we’ll rely on your work tomorrow. For today we’re done. Thanks, everybody.”
“Cool,” Aiba cheered. “Good timing too. I’m starving. Anyone up for Yakiniku?”
“Why not?” Nino shrugged. “I don’t have any food at home, so I guess that would be cool.”
“Sounds good,” Ohno agreed.
“But shouldn’t we make notes for tomorrow?” Sho suggested.
“Oh, come on, Sho,” Nino tried to convince his colleague. “You can make notes later. You’ll have to eat anyway, so why not do it together?”
“Because you and Satoshi are gonna get wasted and then I’ll be working on the notes by myself?” Sho suggested.
“Hey, I won’t get wasted,” Ohno opposed. “Jun, what do you say?”
“You always get wasted when you’re out with Nino, so Sho-kun has a valid point. Anyway, I have to skip too, because I’m going to a friend’s event.”
“Aw,” Aiba made, looking disappointed. “You should make more time for us, really.”
“I’ll organize something for next week,” Jun promised. “Now, let’s get going, shall we?”
“Alright,” Ohno agreed. “Sho, how about we work on the notes at your place?”
“Inviting yourself to my home now?” Sho asked, amused. “But very well, we can order something in.”
“Alright, me and Aiba will be off now,” Nino announced, getting ready to leave.
“See you guys tomorrow,” Aiba bid his good-bye as he followed behind Nino.
The second later the pair of them were out the door.
“Satoshi, can you organize a car while I pack our stuff?” Sho asked.
The request seemed a bit off, since the packing of their stuff would take about twenty seconds, but Ohno sensed he should leave, so he nodded and, quickly throwing a short `see you´ over his shoulder at Jun, he swept out the door. The room fell silent after that. Sho did get up and arranged everything he and Ohno would need in his huge bag. Jun watched him, but he didn’t say anything, wondering why Sho wanted the alone time with him. When Sho was done, he straightened himself and looked back at Jun.
“Thank you for today,” he said politely.
There was more he wanted to say, but he was struggling. Jun suppressed a smile at the display of Sho’s distress at expressing what he wanted to say.
“You’re welcome,” Jun offered in an equally polite tone. “I will rely on you tomorrow.”
Sho sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not good at… at being…”
“Nice?” Jun offered. It was meant as a joke, but Jun could feel it turn bad the second he said it. He blushed. “That… came out wrong.”
Sho actually smiled at that. “Good to know it happens to you too.” His face then turned stern again. “Okay, look, I… I’m sorry. About today. About that… thing.”
Jun sighed. “I hear you. I know you mean it, too. Just… you don’t learn and that’s kind of annoying,” Jun told him. “Just don’t be an asshole in the first place, then you don’t have to say sorry.”
“Now who’s being an asshole?” Sho shot back. “Being unforgiving can be annoying as fuck too, you know. I said I was sorry. If you don’t want to accept my apology, just say so. If you do, stop stirring.”
“I guess I do that,” Jun admitted. He gave Sho a smile. “I accept.”
“Thanks,” Sho said, smiling back. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
Jun wanted to add a million things, he wanted to drag Sho back from the door when he made to leave, to shake him, ask him what on earth he was thinking, why he had even bothered to give Jun a hint of his interest when he just took it away again later. He knew it would be pointless, though. They had found a point where they could handle each other without being annoyed and it was important to keep things non-dramatic. They worked together, they needed to function. No room for true emotions, true conflict – or anything real, for that matter. Jun had learned to live with it. Sho had dragged him out of that routine for a moment, but apparently had found it too risky, and thus had retreated right back into it himself and Jun, not wanting to disrupt anything, followed.
~*~
Jun looked through the scripts one more time. He sighed.
“The timing is too tight,” he muttered. “We can’t create a new formation before the change of lighting. I really don’t want to delay the change, though. The moment is just right, the change in the melody, the mood, the atmosphere. It has to be here.”
“So we’re gonna re-arrange the third block?” Ohno asked.
Nino looked horrified. “What?! No, no, you’re not serious. You can’t be serious.”
Jun bit his lip. “I wonder…”
The lighting was one of the last steps in creating the performance of a new song. They had worked through a number of steps already and Jun knew that it was frustrating to re-do a former part. He didn’t want to put his friends through unnecessary inconveniences and the choreography part was particularly tricky, but…
“You know Jun,” Sho stated. “If it doesn’t suit him, it has to be changed.”
“It’s not like that,” Jun protested.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” Sho assured him. “You know just what you want and you’re not afraid of claiming it – even when it might be a pain in the ass to others. There’s strength in that. A strength that we need as a group.”
Jun stared at Sho, not sure what to make of the man’s words exactly. There was no indication on his face that he had packed a hidden meaning into them. Even so, the words felt kind of heavy and Jun found he could not shoulder them. Rather lost, Jun simply remained silent, completely dumbfounded. The silence filled up the room, tagging along uncomfortable weariness.
“Well…” Aiba dragged out carefully. “Jun is good with these things. I think it’s good for us to trust him. If he says we should re-arrange, then we’ll just conquer that together. Right?”
“Of course,” Nino agreed, obviously reluctantly, but with a smile on his face. “If that’s what it takes, I’ll support the group, of course.”
Upon hearing his friends’ supportive words, Jun broke the eye-lock with Sho, nodding his head in thanks.
“Thank you for bearing with me,” he said happily. “But I really think it’ll be better if we re-arrange. I’ll have the changes down by tomorrow.,” he promised.
“Don’t overdo it,” Ohno advised. “We can skip this part for the time being.”
“I hate leaving things unfinished,” Jun announced. His eyes found Sho’s again, who was looking back at him and nodded his head in agreement. “I’ll make the changes tonight.”
“Well,” Ohno sighed, “I guess it can’t be helped, then. I’ll stay and assist.”
“Thanks,” Jun smiled. “So… I guess that’s it for today. Everyone else, get home and relax a bit.”
“We can help too,” Aiba suggested.
Fortunately, before Jun could finish thinking about how he might be able to turn the offer down without hurting any feelings, it was again Sho who spoke up.
“I don’t think we’d be much help,” he mused. “Chances are we’ll only keep them. Let them do their work.”
“Thanks, Sho-kun,” Ohno laughed. “I really don’t mean to be rude, but you are making one good point here.”
“So, let’s get going,” Nino decided. “We’ll leave you to it,” he said towards Ohno and Jun.
“See you guys tomorrow,” Jun grinned.
They all said their good-byes quickly and when Jun was left alone with Ohno, he felt glad not to be alone. He hadn’t even exchanged any meaningful words with Sho, but their moment had left him in a whirlwind of unwanted emotions. Shaking that off was a lot easier when there was someone he could distract himself with.
“Jun... Is there something going on between you and Sho?”
Unless, of course, the person in question decided to mess with you even further.
Jun sighed deeply. “I don’t know,” he admitted reluctantly. “It feels… kind of hopeless.”
“How so?” Ohno asked. “Does it have anything to do with the hair cut discussion from the other day?”
Jun blinked, surprised at Ohno’s perception. The man was always so silent, unobtrusive and respectful of other people’s privacy, Jun sometimes forgot his friend was rather observant.
“It’s not… from the other day, exactly,” Jun mused. “At least, that’s not when it started.”
“I’m not gonna force you to share,” Ohno let him know. “But I am willing to listen.”
“Thanks,” Jun said, feeling grateful. “It’s… you might think it’s stupid… You remember how I had to cut my hair for the drama last year?”
Ohno nodded. “Of course.”
“Well…” Jun tried to find the right words. “You know, Sho actually told me his opinion on that hair-cut. When I didn’t even expect anything anymore, he said that… he liked my hair longer.”
Jun looked at Ohno, checking for a reaction. There wasn’t anything much, though, and silence took over the room once more.
“So you kept it longer this time,” Ohno finally stated.
“I did,” Jun nodded.
“And not only did Sho not appreciate it,” Ohno continued, “he actually said he couldn’t care less.”
Jun nodded again, staying silent. Even though Sho had apologized, the neglect still hurt. With Ohno’s questioning, Jun could also see that he was not the only one getting vibes from Sho that were hard to read.
“I wonder if Sho wanted to do some making up for that,” Ohno mused. “He was being very…”
“Yeah, I know,” Jun groaned. “Tell me I’m not imagining that he’s giving me mixed signals.”
“You’re not imagining anything,” Ohno assured him. “Even Sho can tell that he’s acting weird.”
“I’m not sure what to do,” Jun said honestly. “I think… I’m not sure, but I think he wants to pursue a romantic interest. He’s not committing to it, though.”
“I’m thinking the same thing,” Ohno agreed.
“You do?” Jun blinked. “Only from what you’ve seen?”
Ohno blushed a bit.
“Well,” he dragged out, “not from that alone.” He stopped for a moment, pondering whether or not to share a certain piece of information, but then let Jun in on something he knew. “I might have overheard a drunk Sho… jerking off thinking of you.”
Jun gaped at that. “Wha…?!”
“It was a long time ago,” Ohno told him. “You know, it was back when everybody wanted a piece of you. I didn’t think much of it. But now I wonder…”
Jun groaned again, feeling frustrated. “What should I make of all of that? I don’t understand what he’s thinking.”
“Knowing Sho-kun, the problem might well be that he’s thinking too much,” Ohno stated.
“So, what to do?” Jun asked.
“Depends, I guess,” Ohno shrugged.
“On what?” Jun wanted to know.
“Would you want to… have him?” Ohno asked. “Despite his obvious shortcomings?”
Jun chuckled at that. “We all have shortcomings. As for the question… It’s difficult, because…”
Ohno shook his head. “You can’t make the same mistake as him. Don’t think too much.”
Jun nodded. He contemplated his feelings.
“I’d commit,” he finally decided.
Ohno nodded. “Maybe… Sho needs some of your strength,” he suggested. “Your strength to claim things that you want.”
“You think he’s calling out to me,” Jun mused.
“Either that,” Ohno answered, “or he’s being utterly naïve and that’s very unlike Sho.”
“Agreed,” Jun nodded. “Well, I don’t have to throw myself right at him. But I guess I can give him a hint that I understand.”
“There you go,” Ohno grinned.
“I just really hope he appreciates my efforts this time,” Jun muttered.
“I’m pretty sure he will,” Ohno encouraged Jun. “In case he doesn’t, though, you can always kick his butt, instead of pounding it.”
Jun blushed, but laughed at the statement. “I’ll tell him either way that you said this.”
“Guess I’m in for a pounding too, then,” Ohno chuckled.
“Nah, I’m not gonna,” Jun grinned. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime,” Ohno told him. “Now, to work?”
“To work,” Jun agreed.
~*~
Sho moaned loudly. His hips moved with intent, pushing his dick into the willing body beneath him again and again, driving him towards a much anticipated orgasm. After being confronted with Jun and the mass of feelings Sho was confronted with when even thinking of the man, he just needed to let off some steam. He had long ago stopped feeling guilty about his urges. As long as he kept them away from his everyday life, he could give into the pleasure of it every once in a while.
As opposed to popular understanding, Sho was not disgusted by, not even opposed to straight sex. Females were sweet and soft, with fair skin and wonderfully fragrant hair. Boobs were nice enough to play with and Sho knew that the depths of the female anatomy were a mystery to most men, not only him. Even so, he felt pleased whenever he could please and he made it a point to… well, practice. It was a fun activity too and Sho always appreciated an opportunity to share intimacies. It always felt good, he always came too. It was obligatory and not in a bad way.
However, this was the real deal. Muscle, a tight ass and the strong smell of musk. It was fulfilling in a way that straight sex was not – at least not to Sho. With women, he took pleasure in being able to please them. With men, Sho felt like he could be himself. He knew that there would be no judgement. He had once asked one of his female partners for a rim job and had received a rather dirty glare in a not so good way – plus, the lady called a stop to their date as well. Ever since then he kept his preferences strictly between himself and people of whom he knew that they shared them.
Sho kept pushing forward almost brutally, but the guy on his knees and with his face in the mattress before him did not complain in any way, but rather encouraged Sho to go harder, deeper, give it to him – and Sho reveled in that, he loved vocal partners. Of course, that was why Sho had ordered vocal company. He had stopped feeling guilty about buying sex as well. It was practical. He could have it on demand, when he was feeling the urge. He didn’t have to be considerate. Not that Sho was ever hurting others, or being violent, but he enjoyed not having the pressure to “perform well”. And, very importantly, there was no awkward after-game.
Sho simply fucked the guy to his satisfaction, coming hard with a groan on his lips, his dick twitching deliciously as it oozed his come into the generously lubed condom. He enjoyed the ride, came down slow, then drew out, got rid of the condom and went to clean himself.
“Fell free to jerk off before you go,” he offered nonchalantly.
He knew that as soon as he came back from the bathroom the guy would have left already, which left him comfortable, unconfronted. And after having fucked so well he knew he would be able to get a good night’s sleep.
~*~
Jun sighed, checking the clock on his phone again. 3:42 am. He simply couldn’t find the ease of mind to go to sleep. The incident with Sho earlier that day was still haunting him. He couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Ohno either. Just what should he do? Should he confront Sho? Or demand action from the other? How could he possibly go about it without scaring Sho away again? Whenever Jun tried to forge some kind of closeness, Sho would retreat immediately. So, how…?
Jun jumped when his phone started ringing. He picked it up, checking the screen.
Nino? At this time of night?
Jun frowned, but picked up anyway.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Ah,” Nino answered from the other end, “so you are still awake.”
“Sorry?” Jun muttered, not understanding what was going on.
“I was wondering,” Nino told him. “After Oh-chan told me what’s going on with you and Sho…”
Jun sighed inwardly. Ohno was a rather observant person, more so than he usually let on – sadly he wasn’t exactly discreet, though…
“…I was wondering if you’d have trouble sleeping.”
“Why would I?” Jun asked bitingly.
“Well,” Nino answered readily, “because you’d ponder what you should be doing now. And without considering best chance to actually truly get to him.”
“Oh?” Jun made.
“Jun, you’re a decent guy,” Nino said. “But Sho… well, when dealing with him concerning this, you can’t give him any out. You have to use the affect you have on him against him.”
“Sounds fishy,” Jun stated.
“But it’s affective,” Nino promised. “And very simple too.”
“Just curious,” Jun mumbled, “what is it to you? Why would you want me and Sho to start dating?”
“I couldn’t care less about any dating you might be doing,” Nino explained. “But when Sho gets laid more regularly, he’ll loosen up and be more relaxed – and relaxed Sho is definitely something to aim for.”
“I see,” Jun chuckled. “It’s not like I’m not interested, but I’m not sure about your plan… No offence, but you tend to plan things rather selfishly.”
“You’re too soft,” Nino joked. “But well, I know you want to do things right. Still, how about hearing me out anyway? It’s only a suggestion.”
Jun sighed. “Very well, humor me.”
“Sho will always draw back, no matter how you approach him,” Nino mused.
“Yeah, that’s just what I was thinking about before you called,” Jun agreed. “How can I confront him without him getting away?”
“It’s simple,” Nino claimed again. “Where will he retreat to?”
Jun blinked at that. “Well, I guess that depends on where I confront him…”
“But ultimately,” Nino insisted, “if you kept pursuing, where will he retreat to last?”
Jun thought about that. It was very much like Nino to think that way and maybe that was not such a bad approach, after all. It was simple. But even so…
“Home,” Jun whispered. “He would retreat to his apartment.”
“Exactly,” Nino agreed. “Hiding away at a place where you cannot confront him.”
“But if I can’t confront him there…” Jun, began, but Nino interrupted him.
“You can’t scare him away before you get there,” he said evenly. “The moment he opens his door for you, the moment you get inside, you’re at the core. You can do your thing and he can’t escape.”
“It sounds like a plan to kidnap someone,” Jun mused.
“No, no,” Nino opposed. “If anything, you’re setting Sho free – at least the part of him that wants you.”
Jun chuckled at that. “You sure know how to go about things.”
“It’s gonna work out,” Nino insisted. “Definitely.”
“Well, maybe…” Jun pondered. “I mean, if he truly doesn’t want anything… he can say it. But he can’t run away, he will have to talk to me.”
“Exactly,” Nino stated. “That is what you should got for.”
“Okay,” Jun nodded. “We have to settle this somehow. So, I’ll go.”
He decided to confront Sho the following night already, fearing that his courage would leave him if he took too much time and thought too much about it all. Ohno had advised him to not think about it too much. He would put an end to the tension between them, one way or another. And with that thought, his mind finally set on something, Jun fell asleep, finally being able to rest.
~*~
Jun checked the time on his phone – 11:36pm. He had really thought it would be more difficult to get through to Sho’s apartment. The area was serviced, after all. Well, it might have helped that he was… who he was, but there he was, standing in front of Sho’s apartment door, wondering if he should ring the bell or run away.
Don’t think too much.
The doorbell was still sounding even when his finger did not press against the button anymore. A rather fancy sound that Sho had there. Jun waited patiently and sure enough, after a moment the door opened, light shedding into the hall and Sho standing in the frame, looking at him in confusion.
“Sho-kun,” Jun began before Sho could ask any questions. “I’m sorry for intruding like this… I need… I have to…” He sighed. “Can I come in, please?”
Sho looked rather worried as he nodded his head.
“Of course,” he said. “Come on in. What happened?”
And just like that, without any kind of effort, Jun was in. At the core. It was now or never and he understood that he would not get a second chance at it. He needed to get it right, then and there. They proceeded into Sho’s rathe spacious living room, where Sho offered Jun a seat, which Jun declined with a feeble shake of his head.
“Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “Sho, I… we need to talk about what’s going on between us.”
Sho frowned at that. “You came all the way here in he middle of the night – for that?”
“Yeah, I came for that,” Jun admitted. “I came for you. I…”
Sho took a step back right away. “You can leave again right away, then. There is nothing that I have to talk to you about.”
“Really?” Jun asked. “What about that statement about my hair? Or your explanation of my strength?”
Sho sighed. “Jun, look, just go home, there is nothing that I can give you. But I know how you’re feeling so… How about you get yourself some nice company and be done with? I can recommend a club.”
Jun gaped at that. “Wha- That’s your answer? Randomly fucking a host and hoping that it will take the edge of things?”
“Works for me,” Sho shrugged.
“Well, fantastic,” Jun shot back. “Good for you. And there I thought you had true feelings for me.”
“Whatever I might have for you,” Sho argued, “it’s out of the question that we pursue it.”
Jun shook his head. “That’s cheap.” He claimed. “You’re just seeking the easy way out.”
“Easy?” Sho burst out. His eyes glared at Jun. “You think it’s easy for me?! You don’t know a fucking thing.”
“There’s something going on between us and you’re just dismissing it,” Jun argued. “That’s…”
“That’s the only way,” Sho cut in. “We couldn’t… we can’t even think something like that.”
“If that’s how you feel, then leave it alone,” Jun demanded. “I can live with it. But you keep throwing little nothings at me and I just don’t know what to do with them. You’re making me think that maybe there’s something that I can do. But when I try, you always block me off. Why do you keep insinuating things, when you don’t mean it?”
“I just…” Sho heaved. “I’m weak sometimes. When I look at you… When you smile at me… You have no idea, no idea at all, how hard it is… When you’re close and I can’t so much as touch you when all I can think about is how bad I want to kiss you… The smell of you haunts me, it lingers on my clothes, even when you’re not there anymore and it gives me images… I can’t even say out loud what I think of sometimes. I… You don’t know… I want so much more than just casual pleasantries, so much more, but there’s no way any of that can ever happen.”
Jun just kept looking at Sho angrily. “And you’re the one deciding that?”
“You know as well as I do that we can’t take the risk,” Sho shot back at him. “There’s too much at stake.”
“So, leave it alone,” Jun urged once more. “If I can do it, then you can too. But, you know, my guess is that you’re just being selfish. You don’t want anyone else to have what you can’t claim for yourself.”
Sho stared at Jun. He hadn’t expected to be confronted with something that was so true that it made his heart sting painfully. The thought of Jun in another man’s arms, in another man’s bed, doing… what not…
“It’s killing me,” Sho said truthfully.
“You. Are. So. Stupid,” Jun hissed out. “You’d rather make both of us suffer than consider taking a risk on a future together.”
“I can’t just… what would you have me do?” Sho demanded.
“Dammit,” Jun cursed. “Kiss me already. You said you want to so badly. Do it, then.”
“Jun, no…”
“You said it’s killing you,” Jun insisted. “I don’t want to kill you, but when you won’t do anything, I’ll find someone who will. I want to kiss, I want to be close, I want to fuck.”
“Stop being so crude,” Sho demanded.
Jun merely grinned. “You really don’t like the thought. That I would open up for a guy. Let him in all the way. Wrap my legs around his waist. Moan his name when he takes me…”
“Fuck,” Sho cursed.
He didn’t even know how he did it, what exactly happened, but when next he checked, Jun was wrapped in his arms, their lips pressed together urgently and once Sho could wrap his head around it, they kissed brutally. Lips, Tongue. Everything. It was too good and Sho lost himself in it completely. HE started to press demanding kisses against Jun’s lips, along his jaw-line, down his neck. It was addictive, Jun was definitely the best thing he had ever tasted and he was so soft and so willing and so eager. Sho felt Jun’s hands groping his body fiercely even through his clothes, trying to push it away as best he could. Sho got even more demanding, pressing his form against Jun, kissing whatever skin was within reach.
“Mine,” Sho muttered between kisses. “It has to be my name.”
“So possessive,” Jun scolded playfully.
/
“Say it,” Sho demanded.
“Sho-kun,” Jun sighed.
“No,” Sho opposed, though, stopping his assault of Jun’s lips to look into his clouded eyes. “Just my name.”
Jun felt his cheeks burning at the request. He had never said it plainly. Not once. He knew it was ridiculous to feel so nervous about it, be he couldn’t help it.
“If you want it,” Jun stated daringly, “you’ll have to provide the scenery.”
Sho looked right back at him and Jun could see the lust in his eyes. For a moment Jun was wondering what the other would decide – and then Sho did just what Jun had asked of him. With a decisive movement he grabbed Jun’s hand and led him straight to the bedroom. In there his hands began to work Jun’s clothes away, his lips began to explore Jun’s skin, his tongue began to taste Jun’s sweat. Jun found his body responding to every touch, every pack, every lick, his skin began to prickle and his blood began to rush. He found himself engulfed by Sho in a way he had not expected. There was passion and lust, but also affection and trust. The hands that touched him were demanding, but also soothing.
Jun let his senses take over, reacting instinctively to the stimulation his body received. His hands and lips latched onto Sho, getting to know the feel of his skin, the curves of his body. There was a tiny love handle on Sho’s hips which made Jun smile as he slid along the area, getting familiar with the body presented to him. There was so much soft skin, so much warmth, but most of all he was intoxicated by Sho’s smell as it wrapped around him. Hot breath against his ear, whispering sweet confessions to him, an equally heated body trapping him to the mattress – not that he would have wanted to try and go anywhere. Jun was exactly where he wanted to be and he heard himself moan and sigh as his body was being caressed with hands and lips that seemed to multiply as they played him. His hands smoothed over Sho’s skin more demandingly by the minute. He kissed a sweaty neck and he heard an encouraging sound from his lover.
“Now,” he heard himself whisper. “Do it now.”
And somehow Sho understood him. Jun felt Sho rummaging around, felt slightly cold, first at the loss of close body contact, then at the slick lube being rubbed onto and into him. Sho wasn’t exactly gentle, but Jun couldn’t have cared less. Soon enough the warmth of Sho’s body was back on top of him and then, then there was pressure against him, more warm flesh, demanding entrance, which he happily gave. Jun opened wide and at first it was a bit uneven, but Sho soon claimed him deliciously and he wrapped his legs around the hips pushing into him. They were demanding, yet gentle at all times, making Jun gasp every time he was filled.
“So good.”
Jun heard Sho’s voice whisper against his ear and he groaned, pushing back against the other, demanding all of him. Sho changed his rhythm, fucking Jun quickly for a series of thrusts, then stopping abruptly and giving two or three hard deep strokes. He repeated the pattern and Jun’s body started to shake from the impact. He felt his tongue licking his lips, felt his breath teasing them as it swished by them repeatedly, heard his voice cracking upon the name.
“Sho.”
And again.
“Sho.”
Again, louder this time.
“Sho!”
The last thing he was aware of was the dick moving inside him hitting his spot hard and then white everywhere.
When he opened his eyes again, Jun saw Sho smiling at him.
“It’s okay,” Sho told him. “Rest.”
Jun couldn’t have kept his eyes open had he tried, but he didn’t. He instinctively snuggled up against the warm body next to him, falling asleep.
~*~
“Oh my god,” Nino burst out. “I can’t believe you fucked on your fist date. That’s so cheap.”
“Wha-“ Jun gasped. “You said to trap him in his apartment. What did you think we would be doing here?”
“Well, I guess it’s okay since you’ve known each other forever,” Nino mused. “But hey, congratulation to your success.”
“Well, I guess it really worked out,” Jun admitted.
“See, I told you it was simple,” Nino teased.
“Yeah, whatever,” Jun answered. “Anyway, going back to sleep now.”
As Jun hung up he saw Sho standing in the door of the living room.
“So, this was Nino’s scheme?” Sho asked. “Why am I not surprised?”
“It wasn’t a scheme,” Jun denied. He paused for a moment, then added, “Are you mad?”
“Well, I guess I should not complain,” Sho decided. “It’s gotten me something I really wanted, after all.”
“So, you don’t hold doubts anymore?” Jun asked.
“I harbor many doubts about this,” Sho told him. “But somehow… I forget all about them as soon as I have your body next to mine and that has got to mean something, right? So, you coming back to bed?”
Jun grinned, put his phone down and followed Sho back into his bedroom. Looking at the man’s butt wiggling as he walked Jun was wondering if maybe he was up for another round of getting to know each other better. There was still so much to learn – and Sho was all about knowledge, after all…
rainbowemperor Title: The first cut is the deepest, but the second cut makes the game
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Swearing, explicit sexual content, angst
Summary: Sho keeps giving Jun clues of his affection, but he just can’t make that final step. In the end, being fed up, Jun decides to confront Sho about the situation, even though he doesn’t know how it’s gonna turn out.
Notes: Dear, I hope that this will be to your liking. Somehow I made a thing out of Jun’s haircut. It was really good fun writing this, although I have to admit that if I didn’t have Nino, I don’t think I could have concluded this so well. So, thanks Nino. :D
*flashback*
Jun felt his cheeks burning at the unbelieving stares of his group mates. He was standing in the door of their greenroom, having just arrived for that day’s recording. The intense eyes on him were unnerving Jun immensely.
“What?!” he bit out aggressively.
“So short,” Ohno finally commented.
He was referring to Jun’s hair, obviously, since he had just had it cut for his new drama role.
“Well, it can’t be helped,” Jun shrugged, annoyed. “I’m playing a lawyer. I have to look like one. It’s not like this is my first drama hair cut.”
“It hasn’t been so drastic in a while, though,” Nino mused. There was a badly hidden grin on his face. “You look like you’re about to start Senior High School.”
The blush on Jun’s face deepened. “Shut up,” he demanded.
“Nah, it looks cool,” Aiba tried to lighten the mood. “Just different.”
Jun nodded appreciatively at Aiba, then he turned towards Sho.
“So, what do you think?” he wanted to know.
Sho scowled at him. “What do you want me to say? I don’t have an opinion on your hair cut. It’s for work, so it can’t be helped anyway.”
Jun nodded briskly, feeling annoyed. He hadn’t expected Sho to compliment him, or anything. However, Sho was usually the voice of reason in their group and it was not unreasonable to expect a few words of encouragement from the man. But then, it was about Jun. Sho was not sympathetic towards Jun, so in a way Sho’s nonchalant answer felt rather like an affirmation of the air that had been sitting heavily between them rather than a disappointment.
“Right,” Jun muttered lowly.
Their working day wasn’t very productive. Jun kept being unfocused, Sho kept being annoying and altogether the atmosphere wasn’t well-suited for creative work. They stopped an hour early, deciding to come back the day after in better spirits. In that very situation, as everybody was packing up their stuff and leaving for the day, it was just a second that turned Jun’s head completely upside down. As he walked by, totally out of the blue and without even looking at Jun, Sho spoke, silently, words that were meant for Jun’s ears alone.
“I like your hair longer.”
*end flashback*
~*~
Jun inspected the door in front of him skeptically. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to expect. Most likely Sho wouldn’t even notice – or even remember, for that matter. Jun sighed. He still didn’t fully understand why he had bothered in the first place. There wouldn’t be any appreciation. So, why care? But then, Jun found he couldn’t help himself. Even after all those years, Sho’s words still had a deep impact on him. Jun hated that Sho still held that kind of power over him, but he found himself unable to escape. So, there he was – and finally he opened the door to the greenroom.
Four pairs of eyes set on Jun, all of them flickering with the recognition of the change in Jun. His band mates were casually seated around a small table that held several boxes of Chinese food and a number of soda cans. Nino and Ohno shared a small sofa, sitting together closely, but without making anyone in the room feel uncomfortable, Sho was sitting on a rather small, overstuffed chair and Aiba was half-lying on the second sofa that was available, but upon seeing Jun he readily shifted his form to make some space. It was Nino, who spoke first this time.
“Wow, looking good there,” he told Jun. “All set for season two, I see.”
“Yeah,” Jun chuckled silently, as he made his way through the room, taking a seat next to Aiba. “I… does it look good?”
“It looks nice,” Ohno assured him. “It’s still so short.”
“Not as short as last year, though,” Aiba added, having noticed the change in style.
Jun nodded. “I told them to keep it as long as possible. This is the outcome.”
“That’s good,” Nino smiled, “then it won’t take as long to grow back this time.”
“Yeah, I’m glad, really,” Jun answered. “I… do prefer having it longer. What do you say, Sho-kun?”
Sho shot him a glare. “Why would you ask my opinion?”
“Just say if you like it better shorter, or longer,” Jun demanded.
He was pissed off. Had Sho truly forgotten? But no… No, he wouldn’t. There had been significance in Sho’s statement, Jun could tell, so it was only natural to want to get Sho to relate to it somehow.
“I really don’t care,” Sho shrugged.
“Liar,” Jun accused him. “I know you do.”
Sho’s eyes narrowed. “Despite what you might be thinking, the world does not revolve around you and I do not waste my precious time pondering whether I like your hair long or short. Just leave me alone already.”
“Guys,” Ohno interrupted. “Please, just…”
“It’s fine,” Jun cut in. His voice was even and his eyes neutral. “I should have thought as much. How could I have thought I’d ever be anything but an annoying brat to Sakurai Sho. Ridiculous. Sorry for the lapse. Let me assure you, it won’t happen again. Back to business as usual.”
He didn’t give Sho an opportunity to respond, already grabbing a stack of music sheets and getting to work. He knew it pissed Sho off when he couldn’t have the last word in an argument, but he also knew that Sho would not venture deeper into the issue when Jun ultimately let him off the hook. And Sho was pissed off, at Jun for having the last word and at himself for just giving up, simply because he couldn’t muster the courage to actually fight the issue out with Jun. So, just as Jun had expected, Sho let it go. In a matter of minutes all of them were in working mode and did not even think of private little disputes. Jun too was on his professional mode, listening to everything Sho had to contribute, taking up his thoughts as much any anyone else’s – however, his eyes remained neutral, never picking up a single smile he presented, making sure Sho would pick up the fact that he was not happy with him, if Sho cared to look close enough. Jun didn’t expect any recognition on Sho’s part, but he still decided to provide material to read – just in case.
“Okay,” Jun finally dragged out, checking through his major notes one more time, “I think that’s all we had to cover today.” He flashed a bright smile around the room. “Well done, everybody. I think that appearance will be a big success.”
“Thanks for wrapping things up so neatly,” Aiba gave right back. “I really like how you section things up, it always helps me so much to stay organized.”
“Glad to hear that my efforts don’t go to waste,” Jun joked.
“I think it’s gonna be very well-perceived,” Sho added. “It’s a concept that will be quite unexpected, so people will be surprised.”
“Well, then let’s hope that they’re gonna like the surprise,” Jun answered.
“I’m sure they will,” Nino stated. “It’s fresh and… it’s cool in its own way.”
“Thanks,” Jun smiled. “So, tomorrow will be about the lyrics. Satoshi, you’ll be in charge of that.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been working on it a lot,” Ohno told him. “But since Sho helped me out so much, I don’t think it’s fair to present the results by myself.”
“It’s fine,” Sho assured him. “I only suggested a few minor adaptions.”
“Don’t be so modest,” Ohno urged. “You did a lot of re-organizing so things would be more harmonious. It really helped a lot.”
“So, would you want Sho to help with the presentation too?” Jun asked.
“I think it would be better,” Ohno nodded.
“Sho-kun, that alright with you?” Jun asked.
Sho blinked. “Well, I… I guess… just…”
“Fantastic,” Jun concluded. “Then we’ll rely on your work tomorrow. For today we’re done. Thanks, everybody.”
“Cool,” Aiba cheered. “Good timing too. I’m starving. Anyone up for Yakiniku?”
“Why not?” Nino shrugged. “I don’t have any food at home, so I guess that would be cool.”
“Sounds good,” Ohno agreed.
“But shouldn’t we make notes for tomorrow?” Sho suggested.
“Oh, come on, Sho,” Nino tried to convince his colleague. “You can make notes later. You’ll have to eat anyway, so why not do it together?”
“Because you and Satoshi are gonna get wasted and then I’ll be working on the notes by myself?” Sho suggested.
“Hey, I won’t get wasted,” Ohno opposed. “Jun, what do you say?”
“You always get wasted when you’re out with Nino, so Sho-kun has a valid point. Anyway, I have to skip too, because I’m going to a friend’s event.”
“Aw,” Aiba made, looking disappointed. “You should make more time for us, really.”
“I’ll organize something for next week,” Jun promised. “Now, let’s get going, shall we?”
“Alright,” Ohno agreed. “Sho, how about we work on the notes at your place?”
“Inviting yourself to my home now?” Sho asked, amused. “But very well, we can order something in.”
“Alright, me and Aiba will be off now,” Nino announced, getting ready to leave.
“See you guys tomorrow,” Aiba bid his good-bye as he followed behind Nino.
The second later the pair of them were out the door.
“Satoshi, can you organize a car while I pack our stuff?” Sho asked.
The request seemed a bit off, since the packing of their stuff would take about twenty seconds, but Ohno sensed he should leave, so he nodded and, quickly throwing a short `see you´ over his shoulder at Jun, he swept out the door. The room fell silent after that. Sho did get up and arranged everything he and Ohno would need in his huge bag. Jun watched him, but he didn’t say anything, wondering why Sho wanted the alone time with him. When Sho was done, he straightened himself and looked back at Jun.
“Thank you for today,” he said politely.
There was more he wanted to say, but he was struggling. Jun suppressed a smile at the display of Sho’s distress at expressing what he wanted to say.
“You’re welcome,” Jun offered in an equally polite tone. “I will rely on you tomorrow.”
Sho sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not good at… at being…”
“Nice?” Jun offered. It was meant as a joke, but Jun could feel it turn bad the second he said it. He blushed. “That… came out wrong.”
Sho actually smiled at that. “Good to know it happens to you too.” His face then turned stern again. “Okay, look, I… I’m sorry. About today. About that… thing.”
Jun sighed. “I hear you. I know you mean it, too. Just… you don’t learn and that’s kind of annoying,” Jun told him. “Just don’t be an asshole in the first place, then you don’t have to say sorry.”
“Now who’s being an asshole?” Sho shot back. “Being unforgiving can be annoying as fuck too, you know. I said I was sorry. If you don’t want to accept my apology, just say so. If you do, stop stirring.”
“I guess I do that,” Jun admitted. He gave Sho a smile. “I accept.”
“Thanks,” Sho said, smiling back. “See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
Jun wanted to add a million things, he wanted to drag Sho back from the door when he made to leave, to shake him, ask him what on earth he was thinking, why he had even bothered to give Jun a hint of his interest when he just took it away again later. He knew it would be pointless, though. They had found a point where they could handle each other without being annoyed and it was important to keep things non-dramatic. They worked together, they needed to function. No room for true emotions, true conflict – or anything real, for that matter. Jun had learned to live with it. Sho had dragged him out of that routine for a moment, but apparently had found it too risky, and thus had retreated right back into it himself and Jun, not wanting to disrupt anything, followed.
~*~
Jun looked through the scripts one more time. He sighed.
“The timing is too tight,” he muttered. “We can’t create a new formation before the change of lighting. I really don’t want to delay the change, though. The moment is just right, the change in the melody, the mood, the atmosphere. It has to be here.”
“So we’re gonna re-arrange the third block?” Ohno asked.
Nino looked horrified. “What?! No, no, you’re not serious. You can’t be serious.”
Jun bit his lip. “I wonder…”
The lighting was one of the last steps in creating the performance of a new song. They had worked through a number of steps already and Jun knew that it was frustrating to re-do a former part. He didn’t want to put his friends through unnecessary inconveniences and the choreography part was particularly tricky, but…
“You know Jun,” Sho stated. “If it doesn’t suit him, it has to be changed.”
“It’s not like that,” Jun protested.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” Sho assured him. “You know just what you want and you’re not afraid of claiming it – even when it might be a pain in the ass to others. There’s strength in that. A strength that we need as a group.”
Jun stared at Sho, not sure what to make of the man’s words exactly. There was no indication on his face that he had packed a hidden meaning into them. Even so, the words felt kind of heavy and Jun found he could not shoulder them. Rather lost, Jun simply remained silent, completely dumbfounded. The silence filled up the room, tagging along uncomfortable weariness.
“Well…” Aiba dragged out carefully. “Jun is good with these things. I think it’s good for us to trust him. If he says we should re-arrange, then we’ll just conquer that together. Right?”
“Of course,” Nino agreed, obviously reluctantly, but with a smile on his face. “If that’s what it takes, I’ll support the group, of course.”
Upon hearing his friends’ supportive words, Jun broke the eye-lock with Sho, nodding his head in thanks.
“Thank you for bearing with me,” he said happily. “But I really think it’ll be better if we re-arrange. I’ll have the changes down by tomorrow.,” he promised.
“Don’t overdo it,” Ohno advised. “We can skip this part for the time being.”
“I hate leaving things unfinished,” Jun announced. His eyes found Sho’s again, who was looking back at him and nodded his head in agreement. “I’ll make the changes tonight.”
“Well,” Ohno sighed, “I guess it can’t be helped, then. I’ll stay and assist.”
“Thanks,” Jun smiled. “So… I guess that’s it for today. Everyone else, get home and relax a bit.”
“We can help too,” Aiba suggested.
Fortunately, before Jun could finish thinking about how he might be able to turn the offer down without hurting any feelings, it was again Sho who spoke up.
“I don’t think we’d be much help,” he mused. “Chances are we’ll only keep them. Let them do their work.”
“Thanks, Sho-kun,” Ohno laughed. “I really don’t mean to be rude, but you are making one good point here.”
“So, let’s get going,” Nino decided. “We’ll leave you to it,” he said towards Ohno and Jun.
“See you guys tomorrow,” Jun grinned.
They all said their good-byes quickly and when Jun was left alone with Ohno, he felt glad not to be alone. He hadn’t even exchanged any meaningful words with Sho, but their moment had left him in a whirlwind of unwanted emotions. Shaking that off was a lot easier when there was someone he could distract himself with.
“Jun... Is there something going on between you and Sho?”
Unless, of course, the person in question decided to mess with you even further.
Jun sighed deeply. “I don’t know,” he admitted reluctantly. “It feels… kind of hopeless.”
“How so?” Ohno asked. “Does it have anything to do with the hair cut discussion from the other day?”
Jun blinked, surprised at Ohno’s perception. The man was always so silent, unobtrusive and respectful of other people’s privacy, Jun sometimes forgot his friend was rather observant.
“It’s not… from the other day, exactly,” Jun mused. “At least, that’s not when it started.”
“I’m not gonna force you to share,” Ohno let him know. “But I am willing to listen.”
“Thanks,” Jun said, feeling grateful. “It’s… you might think it’s stupid… You remember how I had to cut my hair for the drama last year?”
Ohno nodded. “Of course.”
“Well…” Jun tried to find the right words. “You know, Sho actually told me his opinion on that hair-cut. When I didn’t even expect anything anymore, he said that… he liked my hair longer.”
Jun looked at Ohno, checking for a reaction. There wasn’t anything much, though, and silence took over the room once more.
“So you kept it longer this time,” Ohno finally stated.
“I did,” Jun nodded.
“And not only did Sho not appreciate it,” Ohno continued, “he actually said he couldn’t care less.”
Jun nodded again, staying silent. Even though Sho had apologized, the neglect still hurt. With Ohno’s questioning, Jun could also see that he was not the only one getting vibes from Sho that were hard to read.
“I wonder if Sho wanted to do some making up for that,” Ohno mused. “He was being very…”
“Yeah, I know,” Jun groaned. “Tell me I’m not imagining that he’s giving me mixed signals.”
“You’re not imagining anything,” Ohno assured him. “Even Sho can tell that he’s acting weird.”
“I’m not sure what to do,” Jun said honestly. “I think… I’m not sure, but I think he wants to pursue a romantic interest. He’s not committing to it, though.”
“I’m thinking the same thing,” Ohno agreed.
“You do?” Jun blinked. “Only from what you’ve seen?”
Ohno blushed a bit.
“Well,” he dragged out, “not from that alone.” He stopped for a moment, pondering whether or not to share a certain piece of information, but then let Jun in on something he knew. “I might have overheard a drunk Sho… jerking off thinking of you.”
Jun gaped at that. “Wha…?!”
“It was a long time ago,” Ohno told him. “You know, it was back when everybody wanted a piece of you. I didn’t think much of it. But now I wonder…”
Jun groaned again, feeling frustrated. “What should I make of all of that? I don’t understand what he’s thinking.”
“Knowing Sho-kun, the problem might well be that he’s thinking too much,” Ohno stated.
“So, what to do?” Jun asked.
“Depends, I guess,” Ohno shrugged.
“On what?” Jun wanted to know.
“Would you want to… have him?” Ohno asked. “Despite his obvious shortcomings?”
Jun chuckled at that. “We all have shortcomings. As for the question… It’s difficult, because…”
Ohno shook his head. “You can’t make the same mistake as him. Don’t think too much.”
Jun nodded. He contemplated his feelings.
“I’d commit,” he finally decided.
Ohno nodded. “Maybe… Sho needs some of your strength,” he suggested. “Your strength to claim things that you want.”
“You think he’s calling out to me,” Jun mused.
“Either that,” Ohno answered, “or he’s being utterly naïve and that’s very unlike Sho.”
“Agreed,” Jun nodded. “Well, I don’t have to throw myself right at him. But I guess I can give him a hint that I understand.”
“There you go,” Ohno grinned.
“I just really hope he appreciates my efforts this time,” Jun muttered.
“I’m pretty sure he will,” Ohno encouraged Jun. “In case he doesn’t, though, you can always kick his butt, instead of pounding it.”
Jun blushed, but laughed at the statement. “I’ll tell him either way that you said this.”
“Guess I’m in for a pounding too, then,” Ohno chuckled.
“Nah, I’m not gonna,” Jun grinned. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime,” Ohno told him. “Now, to work?”
“To work,” Jun agreed.
~*~
Sho moaned loudly. His hips moved with intent, pushing his dick into the willing body beneath him again and again, driving him towards a much anticipated orgasm. After being confronted with Jun and the mass of feelings Sho was confronted with when even thinking of the man, he just needed to let off some steam. He had long ago stopped feeling guilty about his urges. As long as he kept them away from his everyday life, he could give into the pleasure of it every once in a while.
As opposed to popular understanding, Sho was not disgusted by, not even opposed to straight sex. Females were sweet and soft, with fair skin and wonderfully fragrant hair. Boobs were nice enough to play with and Sho knew that the depths of the female anatomy were a mystery to most men, not only him. Even so, he felt pleased whenever he could please and he made it a point to… well, practice. It was a fun activity too and Sho always appreciated an opportunity to share intimacies. It always felt good, he always came too. It was obligatory and not in a bad way.
However, this was the real deal. Muscle, a tight ass and the strong smell of musk. It was fulfilling in a way that straight sex was not – at least not to Sho. With women, he took pleasure in being able to please them. With men, Sho felt like he could be himself. He knew that there would be no judgement. He had once asked one of his female partners for a rim job and had received a rather dirty glare in a not so good way – plus, the lady called a stop to their date as well. Ever since then he kept his preferences strictly between himself and people of whom he knew that they shared them.
Sho kept pushing forward almost brutally, but the guy on his knees and with his face in the mattress before him did not complain in any way, but rather encouraged Sho to go harder, deeper, give it to him – and Sho reveled in that, he loved vocal partners. Of course, that was why Sho had ordered vocal company. He had stopped feeling guilty about buying sex as well. It was practical. He could have it on demand, when he was feeling the urge. He didn’t have to be considerate. Not that Sho was ever hurting others, or being violent, but he enjoyed not having the pressure to “perform well”. And, very importantly, there was no awkward after-game.
Sho simply fucked the guy to his satisfaction, coming hard with a groan on his lips, his dick twitching deliciously as it oozed his come into the generously lubed condom. He enjoyed the ride, came down slow, then drew out, got rid of the condom and went to clean himself.
“Fell free to jerk off before you go,” he offered nonchalantly.
He knew that as soon as he came back from the bathroom the guy would have left already, which left him comfortable, unconfronted. And after having fucked so well he knew he would be able to get a good night’s sleep.
~*~
Jun sighed, checking the clock on his phone again. 3:42 am. He simply couldn’t find the ease of mind to go to sleep. The incident with Sho earlier that day was still haunting him. He couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Ohno either. Just what should he do? Should he confront Sho? Or demand action from the other? How could he possibly go about it without scaring Sho away again? Whenever Jun tried to forge some kind of closeness, Sho would retreat immediately. So, how…?
Jun jumped when his phone started ringing. He picked it up, checking the screen.
Nino? At this time of night?
Jun frowned, but picked up anyway.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Ah,” Nino answered from the other end, “so you are still awake.”
“Sorry?” Jun muttered, not understanding what was going on.
“I was wondering,” Nino told him. “After Oh-chan told me what’s going on with you and Sho…”
Jun sighed inwardly. Ohno was a rather observant person, more so than he usually let on – sadly he wasn’t exactly discreet, though…
“…I was wondering if you’d have trouble sleeping.”
“Why would I?” Jun asked bitingly.
“Well,” Nino answered readily, “because you’d ponder what you should be doing now. And without considering best chance to actually truly get to him.”
“Oh?” Jun made.
“Jun, you’re a decent guy,” Nino said. “But Sho… well, when dealing with him concerning this, you can’t give him any out. You have to use the affect you have on him against him.”
“Sounds fishy,” Jun stated.
“But it’s affective,” Nino promised. “And very simple too.”
“Just curious,” Jun mumbled, “what is it to you? Why would you want me and Sho to start dating?”
“I couldn’t care less about any dating you might be doing,” Nino explained. “But when Sho gets laid more regularly, he’ll loosen up and be more relaxed – and relaxed Sho is definitely something to aim for.”
“I see,” Jun chuckled. “It’s not like I’m not interested, but I’m not sure about your plan… No offence, but you tend to plan things rather selfishly.”
“You’re too soft,” Nino joked. “But well, I know you want to do things right. Still, how about hearing me out anyway? It’s only a suggestion.”
Jun sighed. “Very well, humor me.”
“Sho will always draw back, no matter how you approach him,” Nino mused.
“Yeah, that’s just what I was thinking about before you called,” Jun agreed. “How can I confront him without him getting away?”
“It’s simple,” Nino claimed again. “Where will he retreat to?”
Jun blinked at that. “Well, I guess that depends on where I confront him…”
“But ultimately,” Nino insisted, “if you kept pursuing, where will he retreat to last?”
Jun thought about that. It was very much like Nino to think that way and maybe that was not such a bad approach, after all. It was simple. But even so…
“Home,” Jun whispered. “He would retreat to his apartment.”
“Exactly,” Nino agreed. “Hiding away at a place where you cannot confront him.”
“But if I can’t confront him there…” Jun, began, but Nino interrupted him.
“You can’t scare him away before you get there,” he said evenly. “The moment he opens his door for you, the moment you get inside, you’re at the core. You can do your thing and he can’t escape.”
“It sounds like a plan to kidnap someone,” Jun mused.
“No, no,” Nino opposed. “If anything, you’re setting Sho free – at least the part of him that wants you.”
Jun chuckled at that. “You sure know how to go about things.”
“It’s gonna work out,” Nino insisted. “Definitely.”
“Well, maybe…” Jun pondered. “I mean, if he truly doesn’t want anything… he can say it. But he can’t run away, he will have to talk to me.”
“Exactly,” Nino stated. “That is what you should got for.”
“Okay,” Jun nodded. “We have to settle this somehow. So, I’ll go.”
He decided to confront Sho the following night already, fearing that his courage would leave him if he took too much time and thought too much about it all. Ohno had advised him to not think about it too much. He would put an end to the tension between them, one way or another. And with that thought, his mind finally set on something, Jun fell asleep, finally being able to rest.
~*~
Jun checked the time on his phone – 11:36pm. He had really thought it would be more difficult to get through to Sho’s apartment. The area was serviced, after all. Well, it might have helped that he was… who he was, but there he was, standing in front of Sho’s apartment door, wondering if he should ring the bell or run away.
Don’t think too much.
The doorbell was still sounding even when his finger did not press against the button anymore. A rather fancy sound that Sho had there. Jun waited patiently and sure enough, after a moment the door opened, light shedding into the hall and Sho standing in the frame, looking at him in confusion.
“Sho-kun,” Jun began before Sho could ask any questions. “I’m sorry for intruding like this… I need… I have to…” He sighed. “Can I come in, please?”
Sho looked rather worried as he nodded his head.
“Of course,” he said. “Come on in. What happened?”
And just like that, without any kind of effort, Jun was in. At the core. It was now or never and he understood that he would not get a second chance at it. He needed to get it right, then and there. They proceeded into Sho’s rathe spacious living room, where Sho offered Jun a seat, which Jun declined with a feeble shake of his head.
“Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “Sho, I… we need to talk about what’s going on between us.”
Sho frowned at that. “You came all the way here in he middle of the night – for that?”
“Yeah, I came for that,” Jun admitted. “I came for you. I…”
Sho took a step back right away. “You can leave again right away, then. There is nothing that I have to talk to you about.”
“Really?” Jun asked. “What about that statement about my hair? Or your explanation of my strength?”
Sho sighed. “Jun, look, just go home, there is nothing that I can give you. But I know how you’re feeling so… How about you get yourself some nice company and be done with? I can recommend a club.”
Jun gaped at that. “Wha- That’s your answer? Randomly fucking a host and hoping that it will take the edge of things?”
“Works for me,” Sho shrugged.
“Well, fantastic,” Jun shot back. “Good for you. And there I thought you had true feelings for me.”
“Whatever I might have for you,” Sho argued, “it’s out of the question that we pursue it.”
Jun shook his head. “That’s cheap.” He claimed. “You’re just seeking the easy way out.”
“Easy?” Sho burst out. His eyes glared at Jun. “You think it’s easy for me?! You don’t know a fucking thing.”
“There’s something going on between us and you’re just dismissing it,” Jun argued. “That’s…”
“That’s the only way,” Sho cut in. “We couldn’t… we can’t even think something like that.”
“If that’s how you feel, then leave it alone,” Jun demanded. “I can live with it. But you keep throwing little nothings at me and I just don’t know what to do with them. You’re making me think that maybe there’s something that I can do. But when I try, you always block me off. Why do you keep insinuating things, when you don’t mean it?”
“I just…” Sho heaved. “I’m weak sometimes. When I look at you… When you smile at me… You have no idea, no idea at all, how hard it is… When you’re close and I can’t so much as touch you when all I can think about is how bad I want to kiss you… The smell of you haunts me, it lingers on my clothes, even when you’re not there anymore and it gives me images… I can’t even say out loud what I think of sometimes. I… You don’t know… I want so much more than just casual pleasantries, so much more, but there’s no way any of that can ever happen.”
Jun just kept looking at Sho angrily. “And you’re the one deciding that?”
“You know as well as I do that we can’t take the risk,” Sho shot back at him. “There’s too much at stake.”
“So, leave it alone,” Jun urged once more. “If I can do it, then you can too. But, you know, my guess is that you’re just being selfish. You don’t want anyone else to have what you can’t claim for yourself.”
Sho stared at Jun. He hadn’t expected to be confronted with something that was so true that it made his heart sting painfully. The thought of Jun in another man’s arms, in another man’s bed, doing… what not…
“It’s killing me,” Sho said truthfully.
“You. Are. So. Stupid,” Jun hissed out. “You’d rather make both of us suffer than consider taking a risk on a future together.”
“I can’t just… what would you have me do?” Sho demanded.
“Dammit,” Jun cursed. “Kiss me already. You said you want to so badly. Do it, then.”
“Jun, no…”
“You said it’s killing you,” Jun insisted. “I don’t want to kill you, but when you won’t do anything, I’ll find someone who will. I want to kiss, I want to be close, I want to fuck.”
“Stop being so crude,” Sho demanded.
Jun merely grinned. “You really don’t like the thought. That I would open up for a guy. Let him in all the way. Wrap my legs around his waist. Moan his name when he takes me…”
“Fuck,” Sho cursed.
He didn’t even know how he did it, what exactly happened, but when next he checked, Jun was wrapped in his arms, their lips pressed together urgently and once Sho could wrap his head around it, they kissed brutally. Lips, Tongue. Everything. It was too good and Sho lost himself in it completely. HE started to press demanding kisses against Jun’s lips, along his jaw-line, down his neck. It was addictive, Jun was definitely the best thing he had ever tasted and he was so soft and so willing and so eager. Sho felt Jun’s hands groping his body fiercely even through his clothes, trying to push it away as best he could. Sho got even more demanding, pressing his form against Jun, kissing whatever skin was within reach.
“Mine,” Sho muttered between kisses. “It has to be my name.”
“So possessive,” Jun scolded playfully.
/
“Say it,” Sho demanded.
“Sho-kun,” Jun sighed.
“No,” Sho opposed, though, stopping his assault of Jun’s lips to look into his clouded eyes. “Just my name.”
Jun felt his cheeks burning at the request. He had never said it plainly. Not once. He knew it was ridiculous to feel so nervous about it, be he couldn’t help it.
“If you want it,” Jun stated daringly, “you’ll have to provide the scenery.”
Sho looked right back at him and Jun could see the lust in his eyes. For a moment Jun was wondering what the other would decide – and then Sho did just what Jun had asked of him. With a decisive movement he grabbed Jun’s hand and led him straight to the bedroom. In there his hands began to work Jun’s clothes away, his lips began to explore Jun’s skin, his tongue began to taste Jun’s sweat. Jun found his body responding to every touch, every pack, every lick, his skin began to prickle and his blood began to rush. He found himself engulfed by Sho in a way he had not expected. There was passion and lust, but also affection and trust. The hands that touched him were demanding, but also soothing.
Jun let his senses take over, reacting instinctively to the stimulation his body received. His hands and lips latched onto Sho, getting to know the feel of his skin, the curves of his body. There was a tiny love handle on Sho’s hips which made Jun smile as he slid along the area, getting familiar with the body presented to him. There was so much soft skin, so much warmth, but most of all he was intoxicated by Sho’s smell as it wrapped around him. Hot breath against his ear, whispering sweet confessions to him, an equally heated body trapping him to the mattress – not that he would have wanted to try and go anywhere. Jun was exactly where he wanted to be and he heard himself moan and sigh as his body was being caressed with hands and lips that seemed to multiply as they played him. His hands smoothed over Sho’s skin more demandingly by the minute. He kissed a sweaty neck and he heard an encouraging sound from his lover.
“Now,” he heard himself whisper. “Do it now.”
And somehow Sho understood him. Jun felt Sho rummaging around, felt slightly cold, first at the loss of close body contact, then at the slick lube being rubbed onto and into him. Sho wasn’t exactly gentle, but Jun couldn’t have cared less. Soon enough the warmth of Sho’s body was back on top of him and then, then there was pressure against him, more warm flesh, demanding entrance, which he happily gave. Jun opened wide and at first it was a bit uneven, but Sho soon claimed him deliciously and he wrapped his legs around the hips pushing into him. They were demanding, yet gentle at all times, making Jun gasp every time he was filled.
“So good.”
Jun heard Sho’s voice whisper against his ear and he groaned, pushing back against the other, demanding all of him. Sho changed his rhythm, fucking Jun quickly for a series of thrusts, then stopping abruptly and giving two or three hard deep strokes. He repeated the pattern and Jun’s body started to shake from the impact. He felt his tongue licking his lips, felt his breath teasing them as it swished by them repeatedly, heard his voice cracking upon the name.
“Sho.”
And again.
“Sho.”
Again, louder this time.
“Sho!”
The last thing he was aware of was the dick moving inside him hitting his spot hard and then white everywhere.
When he opened his eyes again, Jun saw Sho smiling at him.
“It’s okay,” Sho told him. “Rest.”
Jun couldn’t have kept his eyes open had he tried, but he didn’t. He instinctively snuggled up against the warm body next to him, falling asleep.
~*~
“Oh my god,” Nino burst out. “I can’t believe you fucked on your fist date. That’s so cheap.”
“Wha-“ Jun gasped. “You said to trap him in his apartment. What did you think we would be doing here?”
“Well, I guess it’s okay since you’ve known each other forever,” Nino mused. “But hey, congratulation to your success.”
“Well, I guess it really worked out,” Jun admitted.
“See, I told you it was simple,” Nino teased.
“Yeah, whatever,” Jun answered. “Anyway, going back to sleep now.”
As Jun hung up he saw Sho standing in the door of the living room.
“So, this was Nino’s scheme?” Sho asked. “Why am I not surprised?”
“It wasn’t a scheme,” Jun denied. He paused for a moment, then added, “Are you mad?”
“Well, I guess I should not complain,” Sho decided. “It’s gotten me something I really wanted, after all.”
“So, you don’t hold doubts anymore?” Jun asked.
“I harbor many doubts about this,” Sho told him. “But somehow… I forget all about them as soon as I have your body next to mine and that has got to mean something, right? So, you coming back to bed?”
Jun grinned, put his phone down and followed Sho back into his bedroom. Looking at the man’s butt wiggling as he walked Jun was wondering if maybe he was up for another round of getting to know each other better. There was still so much to learn – and Sho was all about knowledge, after all…
no subject
“So, leave it alone,” Jun urged once more. “If I can do it, then you can too. But, you know, my guess is that you’re just being selfish. You don’t want anyone else to have what you can’t claim for yourself.”
That's the core of the problem, I think. I mean, Sho maybe didn't do it intentionally, but when it comes down to it, that's the truth.
I love how in comparison to Jun Sho is more insecure and less honest... and less of an adult (even if he might believe he is), but still his reaction and fears are understandable. I felt Jun, when he said, just be nice in the first place, because that's so true. Sho is such a serious character, who probably overthinks everything too much. I absolute love how Jun was the one who was mature about everything this time and tried to reason. He didn't force Sho into committing, he just wanted to finally move on: either with Sho or alone.
Thanks for writing this, author-san!