shake it gift for duckyshimetai
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jun_exchangeShake it for duckyshimetai
Title: Confidence
Pairing: It’s pretty much gen (OT5 gen), with a hint of Matsumiya
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: When Jun’s awful boyfriend breaks up with him, he breaks his confidence completely. It’s for the others to pick up the broken pieces again.
Notes: Dearduckyshimetai, I had the feeling you would prefer hinted pairing and friendship over a real lovey-dovey pairing. I hope I was right XD I loved your prompts about how Jun loses his confidence and the others help him to regain it, so I hope you will enjoy this.
Oh Jun-baby, you are simply not good enough. I can’t be with you anymore!
Up to this moment he has not believed that someone would leave him because he isn’t good enough. It’s not that he thought he was perfect, but he believed he was decent enough to stick around to. It was a shock to realize that he wasn’t.
~~~
Nino is leaning against the doorframe to their rehearsal room, a frown gracing his face. “Are you sure you want to stay here and continue practising?”
Jun nods, barely realizing Nino’s presence. “I need to work on the choreography. My performance is not good enough yet.”
“Really?” Nino blinks. “Looked fine to me.”
“It’s not perfect yet.” Jun is not striving for it to be fine, he wants it to be perfect. Even if it means practicing until his feet are bleeding.
“Okay,” Nino says, and sits down in the corner of the room. “I’ll wait for you then.”
“What? You should go ahead, I don’t know how long it will take me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Nino mumbles, already angling for his 3DS. “I have a new game to play anyways. Meanwhile you do your thing.”
“But the others are waiting for you,” Jun argues.
“They are also waiting for you,” Nino shoots back lazily.
Jun blushes. True. But he can’t let that get into this way. “They will understand…”
“Yeah,” Nino looks at him through thoughtful eyes. “I am sure they somehow will understand something…”
Jun isn’t sure what he means with that, but he decides it’s better not to ask.
~~~
“This was a really bad show,” Jun grumbles more to himself than to anyone else. He switches into a clean shirt and stuffs his sweaty one in a bag. He needs to do his laundry later on. He has made a habit out of checking that everything is proper and tidy before he goes to bed. Sometimes cleaning up everything takes so much time that he doesn’t go to sleep at all.
“But it was a good show. It was fun,” Ohno grins. “I mean, the fans love to see us struggle and mess up.”
“If it hadn't been for me we would have won,” Jun answers. His voice sounds hollow even to himself. Only a few more points and their team would have won. They were so close. He should have tried harder.
Ohno laughs, like it’s truly something to simply laugh off. Jun turns around, staring at Ohno in disbelief. The latter suddenly stops laughing. “You mean it,” he says in surprise.
“Of course, I do. I’m sorry I didn’t do better.”
Ohno stares at him for a while, looking surprisingly earnest. “It’s just a game,” he finally says, carefully so. “We don’t always need to win.”
It’s never just a game. “It’s still our reputation.”
“But Sho-san messed up last week, and Masaki did so today as well. What about them?” Ohno wants to know.
“That’s something different.” Jun furrows his eyebrows. “They have different tasks. My task is…”
“What’s your task?” Ohno inquires further.
To try hard enough not to pull anyone else down. “With Sho-san und Masaki it’s different,” Jun says more to himself than to Ohno. “They have actual talent.”
He is surprised himself that he actually said it, but when Ohno doesn’t react, he isn’t sure anymore if he really said it out loud. Maybe he was just thinking it.
~~~
Jun is cooking seafood ramen. He has started practising cooking a while ago, because he wanted to at least know the basics about householding. To his surprise though he found quite a liking in cooking and trying out new recipes.
“This is the best pasta I have ever had,” Aiba exclaims happily.
“You are exaggerating,” Jun chuckles.
“I am not. Give me more!”
Jun happily obliges, surprised that Aiba seems to thoroughly enjoy his food. His parents own a restaurant after all, so it has to mean something.
“I really envy you sometimes,” Aiba states. “So many things come to you effortlessly. It’s like you can do everything. Even this here.”
Jun stares at Aiba in disbelief. “They don’t,” he finally argues. “My singing still needs improvement, my dancing might be okay, but my technique still needs some work. And this here-“ He points at the plate with pasta. “These are just noodles. It’s nothing special. I still have so much catching up to do.”
“Catching up? To who?” Aiba says, sounding surprised. He laughs. “To us? Oh come on, there isn’t much to catch up to,” he jokes. “If anything I need to watch out not to fall behind.”
“Just forget it,” Jun mumbles.
~~~
He stays longer than the others again. They have told him that he is working too much, that he should take a rest too, that everything was going well. But he just can’t allow himself to rest now.
Whenever he takes a rest, he sees his face in front of him again, that smirk when he told him that he isn’t good enough to be with him. Only the sex is good. Only good enough for that.
This time when Jun stays behind it’s Sho who approaches him and Jun believes he will try to talk him out of working again, but nothing like that happens.
“Do you have a little time to give your opinion on something?”
Jun blinks. “Of course.” He eyes Sho curiously, still not sure if it’s really not going to be a trick. But it isn’t.
“I wrote the rap for our new song. Just tell me what you think of it.” Sho explains hopefully.
“Wouldn’t Ohno-san be the better option for that?” Jun asks doubtfully.
“No,” Sho hands him his IPod. “I don’t need to know if I hit my notes or not. There are people working on that for us and training us. I need to know if this here fits the whole feeling of the song. I am still not happy with some parts of it. And you know the most about our new releases. You are involved in the whole production part more than anyone else. I can only trust you with this.”
Jun blushes slightly, with anyone else he would have thought that he was telling him this to please him. But Sho is different, he is straight-forward and honest. However, Jun is still not sure if he can manage such an important task, but he takes the IPod nevertheless.
He listens to Sho’s rap in awe. They spend the next two hours talking about the song and how to improve it. It’s been a while since he was so relaxed about something work-related.
It’s almost… fun again.
~~~
“How come Aiba-chan gets to taste your cooking and I don’t?” Nino complains.
Jun feels more than a little confused. “You never said anything.”
“Well I am saying something now,” Nino states casually. “But since we are already talking about you cooking something for me…”
“Yes?”
“How about hamburgers?”
Jun blinks. “Didn’t you just say you wanted to try my seafood pasta?”
“Well, yes, but only because you let Aiba-chan try it first.” Nino looks at him with a frown. “I want to be the first to try your new creations.” When Jun looks at him in surprise, Nino blushes slightly, turning his gaze away from him. Something about his words make Jun incredibly happy though.
He has cooked for him too. Although he never really appreciated it. He just wanted to have something to eat. Jun has never heard him praise his food like Aiba did or beg him to cook something for him like Nino just did.
“Okay,” Jun smiles brightly, suddenly feeling happy. “I’ll make hamburgers for you.”
Nino beams. “Sunday, your place? I’ll bring beer!”
~~~
Actually not thinking about work for one day and just hanging out with a friend does something good to Jun’s soul and mind. It’s relaxing.
They play a stupid riddle game together on Nino’s Switch, both of them frowning over the ridiculously difficult puzzles. To his surprise Nino didn’t pick Mario Kart for them to play, instead he chose this here… an interactive game they need to solve as a team. It’s so much fun to play with Nino, Jun has almost forgotten how much fun it is.
“I give up,” Nino sighs dramatically. “You know what, let’s call Sho-kun.”
Jun nods and giggles, suddenly feeling silly again, he has almost forgotten that he still has that in him. Sho is surprised by their call, but also happy. It’s weird how Sho has become so open now, happy when his bandmates call him for advice over something so ridiculous. He came a long way from the grumpy teen, who barked at everyone, to this kind adult.
When Nino tells him about Jun’s hamburgers and how he also prepared dinner for them, Sho starts rambling about how he hasn’t eaten anything properly in days. Jun and Nino exchange a glance, rolling their eyes. “Ask him to come over,” Jun finally gives in.
Nino nods. “Should we also tell him to bring the others? He is coming anyways, which means it’s not just the both of us anymore.”
"Yeah, why not?” Jun smiles nervously. “Although it was fun just being with you.”
Nino looks at him surprised, before he smiles dazzlingly, a light blush on his cheeks. “We can repeat it anytime.”
~~~
“Mind if I join you?”
Jun looks up from the video showing their choreography, surprised to see Ohno approaching him. “Not at all, but why? You don’t need any extra practise.”
“Neither do you, yet you are here,” Ohno states calmly.
Jun shakes his head. “That’s something different.”
“Say, Jun-kun…” Ohno pauses. “Are you having fun?”
Jun blinks “Sorry?”
“I meant to say: Do you like this here,” Ohno makes a wide gesture with his hands. “Work, rehearsals, dancing…”
Jun nods almost automatically. He is surprised himself by his immediate reaction, but really, he has always loved his work. It has always been fun for him, until one year ago. “I love this job.”
“But?” Ohno urges.
“I wished I was better at it.”
Ohno shakes his head. “Jun, you had dramas with high ratings, you are a strong dancer, you say your singing or voice lacks depth, but I like it when you sing harmonies with me. What more do you want? Is it because you want to be perfect? None of us is perfect, you know that better than anyone else.”
“That’s not it,” Jun argues. “I don’t need to be perfect.” He blushes. “I just… don’t want to pull anyone down.”
Ohno stays quiet for a while. “What if it was Masaki-kun?” he finally asks.
Jun doesn’t understand immediately. “What do you mean?”
“Masaki thinks he is too stupid and has no real talent. Sho thinks he is too fat. And-“
“But that’s stupid,” Jun huffs. “Sho isn’t fat. And Masaki isn’t stupid at all, and he is talented!”
“How come you are so fierce when defending them, yet are so insecure about yourself? You know, you don’t need to be perfect. No one wants that. I know you are a perfectionist, but until a year ago, you were much more relaxed, you were being a perfectionist because you had fun with what you did.” Ohno squeezes his eyes. “Did something happen?” he wants to know to Jun’s horror. “Something that made you think you need to do… this?”
Jun stays quiet, not sure what to say. He knows his bandmates and friends are being honest when they compliment him. He also knows that there is a bunch of haters out there who will always hate him, even if he turns into a little genius. It has never bothered him, because that’s the price for his job and their popularity.
But the pain and the shock from what happened sits so deep. It nourishes his insecurities, daily.
He stands up from the floor. “I think I’ll be going home for today.”
Ohno nods. “Dou you want me to come with you?”
Jun shakes his head. “Thank you, but I think I need to be alone.”
“Okay, but tell me if you need anything.”
~~~
Jun knows Ohno won’t just let it be like that. He looked way too worried today. He realizes he was right, when there is a very persistent ringing at his door.
It’s Nino. He shows Jun a bag and waves it around in front of his face. “I brought food,” he grins. “And yes, it’s low-fat and healthy.”
Jun tilts his head. “Am I that obsessed over such things?”
Nino chuckles. “Don’t worry. It adds to your charm. Besides someone needs to look after our health.”
Jun smiles at Nino’s words. Somehow Nino has this ability to make him feel relaxed and calm. “Are you staying for dinner? I’ll make us dessert after your super-healthy takeaway food.”
“Count me in.”
“Don’t you want to know what I’m going to bake?”
“Nope,” Nino smirks. “I have been living on instant noodles for a week, so I’ll just take everything you have to offer.”
Jun’s eyes widen. “For a week? Instant noodles don’t give you enough nutrients. You have to eat properly!”
Nino shrugs. “I hate cooking, and I’m bad at it. So…”
“Then,” Jun says fiercely. “I will prepare some onigiri for you for next week.”
Nino smiles warmly at him. “See, that’s how you are. Why do you want to change who you are, when who you are is perfectly fine?
“It’s not perfect,” Jun argues. Slowly feeling at the edge of his nerves.
“To me you are,” Nino says bluntly. “I like everything about you, even those little imperfections. It’s the whole picture, the whole you that makes you perfect.”
“It’s not enough,” Jun grumbles.
“Yes it is!”
“Why can’t you guys leave me alone?” Jun yells, sudden anger washing over him. “It’s not good enough,” he huffs. “I’m not good enough like this.” Nino stares at him, making Jun’s blood boil even further. “Just leave me alone!”
“Who said that to you?” Nino suddenly asks, the expression on his face darker than Jun has ever seen it. “I know someone said it! Who the fuck was it? Who is the asshole? I’m going to kick his ugly butt!!”
Jun feels tired all of a sudden. He sits down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
“Jun, you know this is just in your head, right?” Nino kneels down next to him. “You know it already. One garbage person should not be allowed to make you feel less than you are. He is not allowed to destroy you. I won’t let it happen.”
“I know, he is an idiot, and he just played me and all,” Jun mumbles. “But it’s… you know…”
“I know,” Nino says softly. “He was an asshole and an idiot. If anything he is the one who isn’t worth anything. If he was, he would have known how lucky he was to be allowed to be with you. I know I would be happy to be with someone like you.”
Jun stares at Nino in disbelief. “Oh come on…”
“You are kind, fun, and attractive,” Nino smirks. “And the right amount of annoying.”
Against his original mood Jun has to smile. “Thank you for almost making me a compliment.” He pauses. “You know, he-“
“Say his name,” Nino urges. “Say it until it’s lost its meaning, until the name is not more than a name. Chase the demons away.”
Jun takes a deep breath. “Seto-kun always told me what I could do better. Whatever I did, it was never good enough for him. He was never content. And then he left and told me he couldn’t be with someone like me, someone without talent, who can’t do anything right.” When Nino looks angry, Jun shakes his head. “He wasn’t always like this, you know?”
“Have you known him for a long time?”
“Seto and I went to the same dance class when I was around 22,” Jun explains. “When we got together, he was different.”
“What happened?”
Jun smiles bitterly. “Arashi got popular.”
Nino sighs deeply. “What a huge idiot.” He takes Jun’s hand into his and squeezes it. “I’ll help you from now on to realize how wrong this guy was. From now on you’ll be gradually happy again.”
Jun returns the squeeze. “You guys are too kind.” He smiles. “I don’t deserve so much kindness.”
“AH.” Nino raises his hand. “You are not allowed to say something like that anymore. Rule number one.”
“There are rules?” Jun wants to know, slightly amused.
“Of course,” Nino grins. “So what do you say?”
“Fine,” Jun gives in. There is no chance that he can win against Nino anyways, besides… he doesn’t really want to win against him. “How about I make us dinner?”
“You know,” Nino says, barely audible, when they get up from the floor. “I’m waiting. Once you are over this stupid asshole, I will…”
Jun turns around, blinking. “What did you say? Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
Nino shows him a beautiful smile. “Nothing. You will know one day…”
duckyshimetai Title: Confidence
Pairing: It’s pretty much gen (OT5 gen), with a hint of Matsumiya
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: When Jun’s awful boyfriend breaks up with him, he breaks his confidence completely. It’s for the others to pick up the broken pieces again.
Notes: Dear
duckyshimetai, I had the feeling you would prefer hinted pairing and friendship over a real lovey-dovey pairing. I hope I was right XD I loved your prompts about how Jun loses his confidence and the others help him to regain it, so I hope you will enjoy this.Oh Jun-baby, you are simply not good enough. I can’t be with you anymore!
Up to this moment he has not believed that someone would leave him because he isn’t good enough. It’s not that he thought he was perfect, but he believed he was decent enough to stick around to. It was a shock to realize that he wasn’t.
~~~
Nino is leaning against the doorframe to their rehearsal room, a frown gracing his face. “Are you sure you want to stay here and continue practising?”
Jun nods, barely realizing Nino’s presence. “I need to work on the choreography. My performance is not good enough yet.”
“Really?” Nino blinks. “Looked fine to me.”
“It’s not perfect yet.” Jun is not striving for it to be fine, he wants it to be perfect. Even if it means practicing until his feet are bleeding.
“Okay,” Nino says, and sits down in the corner of the room. “I’ll wait for you then.”
“What? You should go ahead, I don’t know how long it will take me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Nino mumbles, already angling for his 3DS. “I have a new game to play anyways. Meanwhile you do your thing.”
“But the others are waiting for you,” Jun argues.
“They are also waiting for you,” Nino shoots back lazily.
Jun blushes. True. But he can’t let that get into this way. “They will understand…”
“Yeah,” Nino looks at him through thoughtful eyes. “I am sure they somehow will understand something…”
Jun isn’t sure what he means with that, but he decides it’s better not to ask.
~~~
“This was a really bad show,” Jun grumbles more to himself than to anyone else. He switches into a clean shirt and stuffs his sweaty one in a bag. He needs to do his laundry later on. He has made a habit out of checking that everything is proper and tidy before he goes to bed. Sometimes cleaning up everything takes so much time that he doesn’t go to sleep at all.
“But it was a good show. It was fun,” Ohno grins. “I mean, the fans love to see us struggle and mess up.”
“If it hadn't been for me we would have won,” Jun answers. His voice sounds hollow even to himself. Only a few more points and their team would have won. They were so close. He should have tried harder.
Ohno laughs, like it’s truly something to simply laugh off. Jun turns around, staring at Ohno in disbelief. The latter suddenly stops laughing. “You mean it,” he says in surprise.
“Of course, I do. I’m sorry I didn’t do better.”
Ohno stares at him for a while, looking surprisingly earnest. “It’s just a game,” he finally says, carefully so. “We don’t always need to win.”
It’s never just a game. “It’s still our reputation.”
“But Sho-san messed up last week, and Masaki did so today as well. What about them?” Ohno wants to know.
“That’s something different.” Jun furrows his eyebrows. “They have different tasks. My task is…”
“What’s your task?” Ohno inquires further.
To try hard enough not to pull anyone else down. “With Sho-san und Masaki it’s different,” Jun says more to himself than to Ohno. “They have actual talent.”
He is surprised himself that he actually said it, but when Ohno doesn’t react, he isn’t sure anymore if he really said it out loud. Maybe he was just thinking it.
~~~
Jun is cooking seafood ramen. He has started practising cooking a while ago, because he wanted to at least know the basics about householding. To his surprise though he found quite a liking in cooking and trying out new recipes.
“This is the best pasta I have ever had,” Aiba exclaims happily.
“You are exaggerating,” Jun chuckles.
“I am not. Give me more!”
Jun happily obliges, surprised that Aiba seems to thoroughly enjoy his food. His parents own a restaurant after all, so it has to mean something.
“I really envy you sometimes,” Aiba states. “So many things come to you effortlessly. It’s like you can do everything. Even this here.”
Jun stares at Aiba in disbelief. “They don’t,” he finally argues. “My singing still needs improvement, my dancing might be okay, but my technique still needs some work. And this here-“ He points at the plate with pasta. “These are just noodles. It’s nothing special. I still have so much catching up to do.”
“Catching up? To who?” Aiba says, sounding surprised. He laughs. “To us? Oh come on, there isn’t much to catch up to,” he jokes. “If anything I need to watch out not to fall behind.”
“Just forget it,” Jun mumbles.
~~~
He stays longer than the others again. They have told him that he is working too much, that he should take a rest too, that everything was going well. But he just can’t allow himself to rest now.
Whenever he takes a rest, he sees his face in front of him again, that smirk when he told him that he isn’t good enough to be with him. Only the sex is good. Only good enough for that.
This time when Jun stays behind it’s Sho who approaches him and Jun believes he will try to talk him out of working again, but nothing like that happens.
“Do you have a little time to give your opinion on something?”
Jun blinks. “Of course.” He eyes Sho curiously, still not sure if it’s really not going to be a trick. But it isn’t.
“I wrote the rap for our new song. Just tell me what you think of it.” Sho explains hopefully.
“Wouldn’t Ohno-san be the better option for that?” Jun asks doubtfully.
“No,” Sho hands him his IPod. “I don’t need to know if I hit my notes or not. There are people working on that for us and training us. I need to know if this here fits the whole feeling of the song. I am still not happy with some parts of it. And you know the most about our new releases. You are involved in the whole production part more than anyone else. I can only trust you with this.”
Jun blushes slightly, with anyone else he would have thought that he was telling him this to please him. But Sho is different, he is straight-forward and honest. However, Jun is still not sure if he can manage such an important task, but he takes the IPod nevertheless.
He listens to Sho’s rap in awe. They spend the next two hours talking about the song and how to improve it. It’s been a while since he was so relaxed about something work-related.
It’s almost… fun again.
~~~
“How come Aiba-chan gets to taste your cooking and I don’t?” Nino complains.
Jun feels more than a little confused. “You never said anything.”
“Well I am saying something now,” Nino states casually. “But since we are already talking about you cooking something for me…”
“Yes?”
“How about hamburgers?”
Jun blinks. “Didn’t you just say you wanted to try my seafood pasta?”
“Well, yes, but only because you let Aiba-chan try it first.” Nino looks at him with a frown. “I want to be the first to try your new creations.” When Jun looks at him in surprise, Nino blushes slightly, turning his gaze away from him. Something about his words make Jun incredibly happy though.
He has cooked for him too. Although he never really appreciated it. He just wanted to have something to eat. Jun has never heard him praise his food like Aiba did or beg him to cook something for him like Nino just did.
“Okay,” Jun smiles brightly, suddenly feeling happy. “I’ll make hamburgers for you.”
Nino beams. “Sunday, your place? I’ll bring beer!”
~~~
Actually not thinking about work for one day and just hanging out with a friend does something good to Jun’s soul and mind. It’s relaxing.
They play a stupid riddle game together on Nino’s Switch, both of them frowning over the ridiculously difficult puzzles. To his surprise Nino didn’t pick Mario Kart for them to play, instead he chose this here… an interactive game they need to solve as a team. It’s so much fun to play with Nino, Jun has almost forgotten how much fun it is.
“I give up,” Nino sighs dramatically. “You know what, let’s call Sho-kun.”
Jun nods and giggles, suddenly feeling silly again, he has almost forgotten that he still has that in him. Sho is surprised by their call, but also happy. It’s weird how Sho has become so open now, happy when his bandmates call him for advice over something so ridiculous. He came a long way from the grumpy teen, who barked at everyone, to this kind adult.
When Nino tells him about Jun’s hamburgers and how he also prepared dinner for them, Sho starts rambling about how he hasn’t eaten anything properly in days. Jun and Nino exchange a glance, rolling their eyes. “Ask him to come over,” Jun finally gives in.
Nino nods. “Should we also tell him to bring the others? He is coming anyways, which means it’s not just the both of us anymore.”
"Yeah, why not?” Jun smiles nervously. “Although it was fun just being with you.”
Nino looks at him surprised, before he smiles dazzlingly, a light blush on his cheeks. “We can repeat it anytime.”
~~~
“Mind if I join you?”
Jun looks up from the video showing their choreography, surprised to see Ohno approaching him. “Not at all, but why? You don’t need any extra practise.”
“Neither do you, yet you are here,” Ohno states calmly.
Jun shakes his head. “That’s something different.”
“Say, Jun-kun…” Ohno pauses. “Are you having fun?”
Jun blinks “Sorry?”
“I meant to say: Do you like this here,” Ohno makes a wide gesture with his hands. “Work, rehearsals, dancing…”
Jun nods almost automatically. He is surprised himself by his immediate reaction, but really, he has always loved his work. It has always been fun for him, until one year ago. “I love this job.”
“But?” Ohno urges.
“I wished I was better at it.”
Ohno shakes his head. “Jun, you had dramas with high ratings, you are a strong dancer, you say your singing or voice lacks depth, but I like it when you sing harmonies with me. What more do you want? Is it because you want to be perfect? None of us is perfect, you know that better than anyone else.”
“That’s not it,” Jun argues. “I don’t need to be perfect.” He blushes. “I just… don’t want to pull anyone down.”
Ohno stays quiet for a while. “What if it was Masaki-kun?” he finally asks.
Jun doesn’t understand immediately. “What do you mean?”
“Masaki thinks he is too stupid and has no real talent. Sho thinks he is too fat. And-“
“But that’s stupid,” Jun huffs. “Sho isn’t fat. And Masaki isn’t stupid at all, and he is talented!”
“How come you are so fierce when defending them, yet are so insecure about yourself? You know, you don’t need to be perfect. No one wants that. I know you are a perfectionist, but until a year ago, you were much more relaxed, you were being a perfectionist because you had fun with what you did.” Ohno squeezes his eyes. “Did something happen?” he wants to know to Jun’s horror. “Something that made you think you need to do… this?”
Jun stays quiet, not sure what to say. He knows his bandmates and friends are being honest when they compliment him. He also knows that there is a bunch of haters out there who will always hate him, even if he turns into a little genius. It has never bothered him, because that’s the price for his job and their popularity.
But the pain and the shock from what happened sits so deep. It nourishes his insecurities, daily.
He stands up from the floor. “I think I’ll be going home for today.”
Ohno nods. “Dou you want me to come with you?”
Jun shakes his head. “Thank you, but I think I need to be alone.”
“Okay, but tell me if you need anything.”
~~~
Jun knows Ohno won’t just let it be like that. He looked way too worried today. He realizes he was right, when there is a very persistent ringing at his door.
It’s Nino. He shows Jun a bag and waves it around in front of his face. “I brought food,” he grins. “And yes, it’s low-fat and healthy.”
Jun tilts his head. “Am I that obsessed over such things?”
Nino chuckles. “Don’t worry. It adds to your charm. Besides someone needs to look after our health.”
Jun smiles at Nino’s words. Somehow Nino has this ability to make him feel relaxed and calm. “Are you staying for dinner? I’ll make us dessert after your super-healthy takeaway food.”
“Count me in.”
“Don’t you want to know what I’m going to bake?”
“Nope,” Nino smirks. “I have been living on instant noodles for a week, so I’ll just take everything you have to offer.”
Jun’s eyes widen. “For a week? Instant noodles don’t give you enough nutrients. You have to eat properly!”
Nino shrugs. “I hate cooking, and I’m bad at it. So…”
“Then,” Jun says fiercely. “I will prepare some onigiri for you for next week.”
Nino smiles warmly at him. “See, that’s how you are. Why do you want to change who you are, when who you are is perfectly fine?
“It’s not perfect,” Jun argues. Slowly feeling at the edge of his nerves.
“To me you are,” Nino says bluntly. “I like everything about you, even those little imperfections. It’s the whole picture, the whole you that makes you perfect.”
“It’s not enough,” Jun grumbles.
“Yes it is!”
“Why can’t you guys leave me alone?” Jun yells, sudden anger washing over him. “It’s not good enough,” he huffs. “I’m not good enough like this.” Nino stares at him, making Jun’s blood boil even further. “Just leave me alone!”
“Who said that to you?” Nino suddenly asks, the expression on his face darker than Jun has ever seen it. “I know someone said it! Who the fuck was it? Who is the asshole? I’m going to kick his ugly butt!!”
Jun feels tired all of a sudden. He sits down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
“Jun, you know this is just in your head, right?” Nino kneels down next to him. “You know it already. One garbage person should not be allowed to make you feel less than you are. He is not allowed to destroy you. I won’t let it happen.”
“I know, he is an idiot, and he just played me and all,” Jun mumbles. “But it’s… you know…”
“I know,” Nino says softly. “He was an asshole and an idiot. If anything he is the one who isn’t worth anything. If he was, he would have known how lucky he was to be allowed to be with you. I know I would be happy to be with someone like you.”
Jun stares at Nino in disbelief. “Oh come on…”
“You are kind, fun, and attractive,” Nino smirks. “And the right amount of annoying.”
Against his original mood Jun has to smile. “Thank you for almost making me a compliment.” He pauses. “You know, he-“
“Say his name,” Nino urges. “Say it until it’s lost its meaning, until the name is not more than a name. Chase the demons away.”
Jun takes a deep breath. “Seto-kun always told me what I could do better. Whatever I did, it was never good enough for him. He was never content. And then he left and told me he couldn’t be with someone like me, someone without talent, who can’t do anything right.” When Nino looks angry, Jun shakes his head. “He wasn’t always like this, you know?”
“Have you known him for a long time?”
“Seto and I went to the same dance class when I was around 22,” Jun explains. “When we got together, he was different.”
“What happened?”
Jun smiles bitterly. “Arashi got popular.”
Nino sighs deeply. “What a huge idiot.” He takes Jun’s hand into his and squeezes it. “I’ll help you from now on to realize how wrong this guy was. From now on you’ll be gradually happy again.”
Jun returns the squeeze. “You guys are too kind.” He smiles. “I don’t deserve so much kindness.”
“AH.” Nino raises his hand. “You are not allowed to say something like that anymore. Rule number one.”
“There are rules?” Jun wants to know, slightly amused.
“Of course,” Nino grins. “So what do you say?”
“Fine,” Jun gives in. There is no chance that he can win against Nino anyways, besides… he doesn’t really want to win against him. “How about I make us dinner?”
“You know,” Nino says, barely audible, when they get up from the floor. “I’m waiting. Once you are over this stupid asshole, I will…”
Jun turns around, blinking. “What did you say? Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
Nino shows him a beautiful smile. “Nothing. You will know one day…”
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Date: 2018-04-25 08:28 pm (UTC)Poor Jun, though. It can do things to you to have someone you love be so downputting. I really felt for Jun, especially the anxiety pattern, the cleaning, ordering things... It can be so toxically numbing. I wanted to hug him. 😥 But then, I always want to hug him anyway. 😅
It was so good to see how the power of Arashi brings Jun's strength back bit by bit. 💜❤💚💙💛 The way he begins to feel again. And Nino's so sweet. 😍😍 I hope he'll get a first kiss soon. 😉